Corazon de Swiss

June 4, 2007

Vices

Filed under: Ringwatch 2007 — by corazondeswiss @ 7:34 pm

So, assvice vs. advice.  My last post seems to be bringing down the house with number of views, etc.  While I appreciate all the readers, I found that the comments on my last post seem to reflect some of the people in my world outside of blogging.  I suppose it happens to every blogger- I know it has happened to some of the bloggers I read.  I really struggled with whether to post it- I kept it close to my heart for a while because I felt so good about it.  But it seems as though even in the blogging world I  feel as though I have to defend myself, relationship and choices.  So I will try to respond to those commented wishing to be helpful. 
First, I appreciate the thoughts and well wishes.  As for the other things, seriously you’re not writing/thinking/saying anything I haven’t thought.  That someone in my life hasn’t already said. 
Have I read “He’s just not that into you”?  No.  And I’m not planning to do so either.  Thanks for the recommendation for a book you haven’t read either.  Honestly, I don’t think our relationship would have survived the distance it has, for the amount of time it has if he just wasn’t that into me or if I just wasn’t that into him.  He sure would not have taken vacation time, driven 500 miles one way and spent 3 nights on an air mattress if he wasn’t that into me.  I know I wouldn’t do those kind of things for him if I didn’t love him.  I don’t need a backup plan.  To me, having a backup plan is just inviting things not to work out.  If things were to not work out, I would deal with them at that point.  But after 4 years of dating and having actually asked CP if breaking up was what he wanted I’m not going to begin a backup plan now. 
The 12 month plan seems great in theory- if in the first 12 months of your relationship you’re not both in school.  I know that works for some people, but that didn’t really work for us.  Again, thanks for the  well wishes. 
I’m well aware that men do and say all kinds of things when they feel backed into a corner.  I feel as though I have done everything I could to avoid that for CP.  When I felt he offered me a paltry excuse, I told him that.  I’m an upfront person.  Always have been.  For the eight years he’s known me.  First as my friend, then as my best friend and my love. 
The conversation we had on the beach was not about if we will join our lives- it was about the logistics of joining our lives- the where, the when, the how.  And while I’m a big picture person, CP is the detail person.  He’s worried about the minute to minute detail of what we’ll be doing tomorrow- I’m worried about what our general plan for next month.  That’s how we work. 
Thanks for the well wishes, the good thoughts sent mine and CP’s way. 

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2 Comments »

  1. It’s completely different at the age you meet your partner, I think. J and I were both still at university and have always had plans to work the travel aspect into our relationship, so we were never actually READY to take the next step.

    It’s all relative.

    And for the record, I read that “He’s just not that into you” and thought it sounded relevant for women who are older and looking for a deadline, if that makes sense. Everyone is SO unique. There is no guide to relationships that is suitable for every random person in this world.

    I’m definitely on the well wishes brigade. 🙂

    Comment by Alyndabear — June 5, 2007 @ 1:20 am |Reply

  2. I was not suggestign you needed a back up plan, I have just seen my friends in the same situation and felt their uncertinty. The logistics of todays relationships is much more difficult to reconcile. Good luck for your future. I hope you can work it out!

    Comment by Nicole — June 5, 2007 @ 6:52 am |Reply


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