Corazon de Swiss

February 27, 2008

Bad day

Filed under: All Things Wedding,Bitching,Cheesepuff,Love & Relationships,The Fam — by corazondeswiss @ 8:05 pm

I’m having a bad day today.  I need to whine.  Vent.  I don’t want to talk to anyone I know about it.  CP and I are trying to decide where to live after we get married.  I want to live close my family.  He doesn’t live close to my family.  It’s about an 8 hour drive from where he lives to where my family lives.  (Flying is really not an option- would take almost as long as driving and cost more).  The city/area he lives in is not a place I want to live in for a long time.  I don’t want to live there for a short time.  He thinks he needs to stay with his current company for 2 more years.  (This summer will be 3 years he’s worked there.)  I’m not so sure about that, but then again I’m not an engineer and I’ve had 3 jobs as a therapist since I got out of school 4 years ago. 

I don’t want to raise my children there.  I want to raise them in a place similar to where I grew up.  Living close to my family/in the same town would afford us a lot of options as far as childcare/my working.  Living far away would present us with 3 options: I work full time.  I work not at all.  I work weekends when he is not working. 

I’m scared about moving there.  I’ll be giving up my job (which I really enjoy), being close to my family, my friends here.  I’ll be moving to where he lives, near his friends, and his family.  I’ll have him.  I told him that at the very least we will have to have another place to live.  I cannot move into his apartment and his life and have nothing of mine except Frick and Frack.   

I also told him that I won’t go back to work until after the first of the year.  Starting a healthcare job in December with the holidays coming up would be foolish, esp. if we can afford for me not to work.  There are not a lot of holidays in healthcare and the last person hired almost always works them.  Which would mean no way we’d have the chance to see my family during the holidays. 

I cried today talking to him about it.  I’m so scared of the idea of moving there.  I want to be with him and start our life together, but it feels like moving there we’d just be moving me into his life.  Of course when you walk into the house with tear-stained cheeks everyone wants to talk to you about it.  I don’t want to talk about it anymore.  I’ve been stressed about it all week.  I don’t want my family to get upset with him.  As my grandmother once told my aunt- “Don’t bring your hurts with [husband] to me- you’ll forgive him.  I won’t.”  I don’t want to bring this to my family because I don’t want them to have problems with him.

I’m not asking for advice.  Or assvice.  I just need to vent and not vent to my family.  If you feel compelled to tell me something, could you just tell me it’s going be ok and we’ll figure it out.  ‘Cause I’m feeling a little fragile right now. 



  1. Don’t worry, everything will work out. You should probably not make any decisions or talk about anything with him for a few days until your brain has processed all of your feelings. Good luck!

    Comment by Single — February 27, 2008 @ 8:54 pm |Reply

  2. It’s okay and everything will work out. Your #1 priority is your marriage and you guys have to work together so you can both be happy. You can do it!

    Comment by janet — February 27, 2008 @ 9:39 pm |Reply

  3. This is such a hard thing to negotiate! You and CP are NOT the only couple that have difficulty with the “my hometown or yours or elsewhere” issue!!! I am confident that you’ll figure it out and find the right place for your family.

    Comment by Laurel — February 28, 2008 @ 11:47 am |Reply

  4. That’s great advice that your grandmother gave your aunt, and so true! Our counselor in our premarriage counseling told us the same thing and I’m so glad she did. I’m sorry that it’s been so hard figuring out and adjusting to what you’ll be doing after you’re married. Would you be able to live there until he feels he’s worked long enough at his job, then move where your family is?

    Comment by Morgan — February 28, 2008 @ 2:57 pm |Reply

  5. No assvice from me, just a few virtual hugs and an ‘I’m thinking of you’! Follow your gut, and remember the most important thing – you love each other and everything happens for a reason. You know where to find me if you need to vent!

    Comment by alyndabear — February 28, 2008 @ 3:29 pm |Reply

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