Bad day

I’m having a bad day today.  I need to whine.  Vent.  I don’t want to talk to anyone I know about it.  CP and I are trying to decide where to live after we get married.  I want to live close my family.  He doesn’t live close to my family.  It’s about an 8 hour drive from where he lives to where my family lives.  (Flying is really not an option- would take almost as long as driving and cost more).  The city/area he lives in is not a place I want to live in for a long time.  I don’t want to live there for a short time.  He thinks he needs to stay with his current company for 2 more years.  (This summer will be 3 years he’s worked there.)  I’m not so sure about that, but then again I’m not an engineer and I’ve had 3 jobs as a therapist since I got out of school 4 years ago. 

I don’t want to raise my children there.  I want to raise them in a place similar to where I grew up.  Living close to my family/in the same town would afford us a lot of options as far as childcare/my working.  Living far away would present us with 3 options: I work full time.  I work not at all.  I work weekends when he is not working. 

I’m scared about moving there.  I’ll be giving up my job (which I really enjoy), being close to my family, my friends here.  I’ll be moving to where he lives, near his friends, and his family.  I’ll have him.  I told him that at the very least we will have to have another place to live.  I cannot move into his apartment and his life and have nothing of mine except Frick and Frack.   

I also told him that I won’t go back to work until after the first of the year.  Starting a healthcare job in December with the holidays coming up would be foolish, esp. if we can afford for me not to work.  There are not a lot of holidays in healthcare and the last person hired almost always works them.  Which would mean no way we’d have the chance to see my family during the holidays. 

I cried today talking to him about it.  I’m so scared of the idea of moving there.  I want to be with him and start our life together, but it feels like moving there we’d just be moving me into his life.  Of course when you walk into the house with tear-stained cheeks everyone wants to talk to you about it.  I don’t want to talk about it anymore.  I’ve been stressed about it all week.  I don’t want my family to get upset with him.  As my grandmother once told my aunt- “Don’t bring your hurts with [husband] to me- you’ll forgive him.  I won’t.”  I don’t want to bring this to my family because I don’t want them to have problems with him.

I’m not asking for advice.  Or assvice.  I just need to vent and not vent to my family.  If you feel compelled to tell me something, could you just tell me it’s going be ok and we’ll figure it out.  ‘Cause I’m feeling a little fragile right now. 

I swore to myself I wasn’t going to post about the wedding all the time…

But today was a bad wedding day.  I spoke to the church secretary last week and told her my date and my backup date.  She told me the church was available on both days.  I asked her to have the pastor call me this week.  I emailed him myself on Monday and asked him to call me.  Fast forward to Wednesday (based on the secretary’s word I’ve been calling reception sites and photographers, etc.) I email the church secretary and check to see if I have the right email address for the pastor because I haven’t heard from him. 
His reply:

You had the right e-mail address but sometimes it takes me a while to respond.  I checked the calendar but I am sorry to have to tell you that Nov. 8^th is already booked by WELCA.  They will be in the church until at least 2:00pm.  This will not give you much time to decorate if it is an evening wedding.  Do you have any other dates that would work?
I will get you the wedding info packet from secretary and have it for you Sunday.  Then you can look it over and we can tentatively plan our first of three required sessions before you get married. 
I hope this was the information that you were looking for. 
Pastor

Umm no.  This is not the information I was looking for because the secretary told me I could have the church.  So I write back and ask if there is some reason we can’t decorate during the rehearsal (minus the flowers,etc.) Because Wednesday I booked the photographer for November 8th.  Because I was told I could get married on November 8th.  Of course I FREAK out.  And called my mother.  Who calls the church and speaks to the secretary.  She calls the lady in charge of WELCA.  She calls me and says there should be NO reason I can’t get married on the 8th.  I calm down and call the Pastor myself.  Speak to him and let him know that I really want this date and that there has to be someway to make it work.  He says he’ll talk to the WELCA lady. 
Then I tell him that I want my HS friend to officiate.  He didn’t say no. He said that there was a policy about random people wanting to get married in the church and bringing in their own ministers…
I pointed out that I am not a random person, I’m a long time member.  My friend is not a random person who got ordained on the internet, he’s an ELCA ordained minister.  He said something about council as well…I don’t know.  My mom talked to someone on council who said that it would not be a problem.  I hope not.He is supposed to contact my friend and speak to him.  Is it any wonder that I hardly ate my lunch today?  

And I promise my next post will not be about the wedding.  Yes Alynda, there will be a website and when I get it done I’ll let you know.   

Weekend Update with Swiss and CP- Friday edition.

*Note to Alyndabear, this is going to be multiple entries.  Hope that whets your appetite!  🙂

Friday…
I get messages all day from CP about his progress.  I left work at 4:30 and he’s about two hours away.  Not a problem, just sooner than I expected him.  Again, not a problem, just had some things I wanted to do before he got there.  Of course, living at home means that doesn’t matter because my mother has her own agenda.  And I arrive home to find her cleaning the porch (Aside: the porch has been a disaster area since before I moved home.  Now that CP’s arrival is imminent she’s out there mopping the porch and moving plants, etc.  Ugh!)  Then we must set up the air mattress in my former room (now the sewing room and K’s room).  So we get it all set up and I have to go back to the porch to finish cleaning the litter boxes and setting them up.  Which is what I am doing when CP arrives.  Not exactly the greeting I had in mind.  (“Hi honey, I haven’t seen you in 2 months, I’m up to my wrists in cat litter.” Also, during all this porch cleaning my mother tells me that Frick and Frack are whores because they use her cat’s litterbox too. Dude, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with my cats?)  After we get the porch stuff done everyone decides that we’ll order dinner from a pub.  And send me and CP out to pick it up.  (Poor CP, has to get back in a car after he’s spent 7 hours getting to me)  We go out an get dinner, come back and eat.  During which my brother and sister in law arrive with K who is spending the night.  Poor CP- the first time he met my family my brother was dating a girl who had twin datughters who were about 14 months old the first time he came for a weekend and they stayed the night.  Fortunately for him, we have a pack and play and he was not forced to sleep in the room with K.  And contrary to previously held beliefs, CP the only child was very good with the baby.  I was so impressed.  I could just picture him with our little babies someday. 
But my dad went into the room to get something for K and Frick and Frack had peed on the air mattress.  I don’t know exactly why, but I have theories.  I think Frick has a thing about being the alpha kitty.  Unfortuantely for him, this move did nothing to put him on alpha kitty status as I banished him and Frack to the porch while I cleaned up and told them how mad I was. 
Sometime after dinner, CP and I got in the hot tub.  Nothing like kisses and snuggles with your best guy in the hot tub.  Seriously.  And watched a little tv before going to bed.  CP and I made arrangements for him to sneak into my room after everyone else went to bed.  (Did I mention my sister is home from college on Spring Break?)   So, he sneaks in to my room and we are in the midst of a makeout session when the door opens and my mom is standing there asking “Did you get CP a blanket?” And I say “No…”  She turns and says “There’s one on the dryer” and leaves.  I busted out laughing after she left and not long after that CP went back to his room because the mood was, well dead. 

bouncy bouncy bouncy goes my paycheck…AGAIN.

PLUS!! UPDATES about all the other excitement of the last week of my life!(okay, maybe not so much with the excitement, but UPDATES!)

So internet, do you remember last week when I told you that I was MAD MAD MAD because my employer BOUNCED MY PAYCHECK?  Do you remember?  Do you?  Guess what?  They *&^%ing did it AGAIN!  I found out about it on Saturday morning.  When I tried to take cash out of the ATM and the bank wouldn’t let me.  Because there was no money to take.  And do you know why internet?  Do you know why the ATM would not let me have any money out of my account?  BECAUSE MY COMPANY BOUNCED MY @$%^ PAYCHECK AGAIN!  So, because it was 6AM when I made this discovery, I used all of my composure and restraint to wait until 7AM to call my boss at home and inform her of my discovery.  So, today at work, they wrote checks on an account at a local bank and allowed us to go on company time to cash the checks and deposit the cash in our own banks.  I have decided that from now on, I’ll be doing that- even if their stupid bank charges me $5 to cash a check because I don’t have an account there.  We’re switching over to direct deposit after the first of the year, so this should be alleviated soon.   And I got my regular paycheck on Friday, so I don’t know if that one will go through or not.  I have been assured that the check will clear, but I’m not so much trusting of the employer right now. 
Fortunately, I was with my sister and was able to get some money from her for our trip to Market Days in Tallahassee.  I got really good presents for some of my friends and Cheesepuff’s parents.  I am most excited about the present for Cheesepuff’s parents, because I always have such a hard time trying to decide on what to get them.   I got a ceramic bread basket thing that you warm up in the oven and it keeps your bread warm on the table.  Pretty neat, huh?  I’m psyched and hope they like it as much as I do.  I think its pretty too.  And this weekend is the Island Art League’s WinterFest, so I’m out there to see if I can find any other presents.  Good lord- Cheesepuff needs a present and I have NO FREAKIN’ IDEA what to get him.  Any ideas, internet?
In other news I heard from the recuriter last week, who got the ball rolling on the job in my hometown.  And she called last night to tell me that they want a face to face interview.  I’m totally freaking out.  I told them the dates I would be home for the holidays and available to interview.  When I talked to my mom, she suggested letting them know I would be willing to fly up for the day (next week) if they would pay for it.  She also sent me more info on their offer, which provided me with questions so I asked, her she let me know that she had told them about my offer and would try to find out the answers to my questions. (Aside: I looked up flight prices for next week: $500 roundtrip! How awesome would it be to have someone pay $500 to  fly me up for an interview?) Still, totally freaking out.  Its happening a little faster than I thought it would and I am having a hard time processing it all.  I think its freaking Cheesepuff out too- when I talked to him about it last night, it went like this:

CP: Its great to get the interview, even if you don’t end up going. 

ME: I’m going on the interview, period.  Besides, why wouldn’t I go on the interview?

CP: (long pause) Hopefully soon.  [I’m going to leap here and take this as a sign that this means CP is ACTUALLY planning to propose soon, but he wants to be all romantic and surprise-y about it, so he doesn’t want to come out and say this.]

ME: It wouldn’t be then end of the world if I took this job.  Especially with the sign on bonus and relocation bonus they are offering.  And I might not have much of a choice. 1- My last 2 paychecks have bounced.  B-O-U-N-C-E-D. 2- I haven’t been happy here for a while and I need a change. 

CP: I know. 

ME: This isn’t directed as a threat to you in order for me to get what I want.  That’s not why I did this. 

CP: Thank you for telling me that. 

And guess what else internet? Last week, before my paycheck bounced the 2nd time, my boss asked us all to work a Saturday this month- and take a day off during the week.  So I’m taking my day this week and working this coming Saturday.  I’m off Thursday and on my fun and fabulous day off during the week I’m going to go to the dentist for a filling.  My first one. Ever.  I’m also going to go to the gym in the morning to take a class called booty camp.  Then I’ll go to the dentist.  And come home.  Or do some Christmas shopping. 
So that’s all the news for now. 

Monday, Monday

So, went into work today with my disgruntled co-workers and found out that the bouncing of the paychecks was “just an accounting error.”  As in someone didn’t transfer the money to the account that our paychecks come out of.  Excuse me, but the bouncing of MY paycheck is NOT, I repeat, NOT “just an accounting error”.  Its a gross oversight, that caused me stress after I found out and caused me to curb my activities over the weekend, and my bank to charge me fees, as well as my bills to be paid late.  Which really pisses me off.  Its one thing if I pay bills late because I forgot them, or whatever, but it is NOT okay when my paycheck bouncing causes them to be late. 
Anyway, I’m supposed to be reissued a check tomorrow, before noon so I can go to the bank on my lunch break. And when the bank is done charging me, I can submit those fees for reimbursement. So I suppose it will all be okay in the end.  But I’m still not happy about the whole thing.

So, my mom called a little bit ago and turns out, she’s still not over the Cheesepuff Thanksgiving drama. I wrote in an earlier blog that she was mad that Cheesepuff didn’t invite me to come home with him, or go to our friends, M&M’s house to be with me.  (I should also mention that she decided she didn’t like his mother because she didn’t invite me either, because SHE would’ve invited Cheesepuff if he were far away from home).  I’ve thought about reminding her that she once told me when I was upset that someone didn’t do something I would have done, “You can’t hold others to the high standards you set for yourself.” 
Did it suck not to be invited to Cheesepuff’s house? Yes.  Did his mother invite me?  I have no idea- if she did, Cheesepuff never told me.  Did it suck that Cheesepuff didn’t come to M&M’s house, if for no other reason than to be with me? Yes. 
But, I did talk to him about it, in 2 long, late night conversations.  (For some reason, I am unable to talk about these things at a decent hour- must always talk about them at midnight.  And only after I have already talked to Cheesepuff, said goodbye and after about 10 minutes am unable to sleep. But I digress.) And I dealt with it.  I’m really quite over it.  Though I hate to admit it, Cheesepuff was totally right and I did have lots of fun with M&M, baby M and the family.  Probably more than I would have at his house. 
So I ask you internet- WHY can’t my mother let go already? And must she tell all of her friends who think its a big red flag and are praying about it, about it?  I told her last week when I was upset that I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to her about Cheesepuff anymore, because I don’t like when she talks bad about him.  Because, for all his faults, I love Cheesepuff.  And I want my own mother to like him for heaven’s sake!  And I don’t want to have to defend Cheesepuff to her constantly.  Seriously, I’m beginning to think she wants me to break up with him.
In other news, I don’t think I told you that I’ve submitted my resume to the recruiter I received email about from my friend A. Who is leaving me this week.  Boo hoo.  Its been a week, so I am going to wait until tomorrow to re-email her and see if I get a response.  I’m not sure what I want to happen at this point, so I’m trying to sit back and have faith in God’s plan.  And we know how good I am at that!

I’m going to kill someone on Monday…

My boss just called me at home. On Saturday.  To tell me that two of my co-workers had informed her that their paychecks had been returned for insufficient funds.  And she checked hers online.  It was as well.  So I checked mine- gone.  And thus far I’ve been charged $17 in fees due to the over draft of my account.  I went out and spent money after work yesterday- paid to have my car washed and waxed.  Filled my car up with gas.  Bought groceries and cat litter.  And those charges are still out and now I’ll have to pay overdraft on those as well.  I’m SO annoyed.  And I better get reimbursed for my bank charges by my employer.  Because this is RIDICULOUS.  I should NEVER have to worry that my paycheck is going to be returned as insufficient funds.  NEVER.  I was going to pay some bills online this weekend, but I guess I’ll have to pay them late.  After I recover my paycheck.  And my bank fees.  And pray that the bank doesn’t start holding ALL of my paychecks 5 days from now on to make sure they’re going to clear, because that is going to piss me off royally. 
Now I’m off to root the Gators in against FSWho?   GO GATORS!!!